Affairs

Healing from Infidelity, Michele Weiner-Davis, Parade, March 18, 2001.

Michele is a very entertaining speaker and writer who believes in marriage. You may also want to check our her web-site: www.divorcebusting.com.

Shattered Vows: Getting Beyond Betrayal. Shirley Glass, Psychology Today/ July-August 1998.

Shirley Glass is one of the leading experts in the studying the effects of affairs on marital relationships. We would add to this insightful summary of her findings that couples that experience an affair absolutely NEED an impartial outside consultant to help them navigate the rough waters after an affair is discovered. Without this help, couples flounder and many of them sink. Check out Glass’ article, but give us a call so we can help you through the stormy seas ahead.

Cohabitation: not a Politically Correct View

Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage; A Comprehensive Review of Recent Research by David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead

Many young people in our society are deciding to live together instead of marrying in hopes of trying things on for size to see if they are a match. Many believe they will not experience the pain of divorce if they cohabit. However, this view is not borne out in research nor is it in our therapeutic experience. If you are in a cohabiting relationship, you MUST read this article so that you will know exactly what you are facing. If you desire to have us help you improve your cohabiting relationship, don’t worry. We aren’t going to lecture you. We seek to help couples improve their relationships regardless. Our hope is that as they improve in their relationship that they will feel more confident in taking the step toward marriage. Cohabitation creates it’s own problems. We are aware of those problems and can help couples sort those things out.

Distressed Marriages

Why Should I Be the One to Change? Waiting for your spouse to change is a big waste of time. Find out why.

Michele Weiner-Davis’s creative approach to an age-old problem. Read her article. Then give us a call.

Should Couples Stay in an Unhappy Marriage for the Sake of the Kids?

A letter to the editor published in the Chicago Tribune by Michele Weiner-Davis.

Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself: If you or someone you love is having a hard time forgiving, read this.

Divorce

Does Divorce Make People Happy? Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages By Linda J. Waite, Don Browning, William J. Doherty, Maggie Gallagher, Ye Luo, and Scott M. Stanley

You won’t hear these findings discussed on your average Talk Show. The study found NO evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. YIKES! Maybe divorce isn’t all that great after all!

The Walkaway Wife Syndrome: Two thirds of all divorces are filed by women. Why? What can men do to prevent women making the desperate choice to leave? Why should women reconsider? This article is an eye-opener. Michele Weiner-Davis has some helpful ideas.

The Effects of Divorce on Children (Word document), from the authors of PREP.

Hazards of Picking a Poor Therapist!

How Therapy Can Be Hazardous To Your Marital Health CMFCE CONFERENCE, JULY 3, 1999 William J. Doherty, PhD

In this article, Dr. Doherty discusses how many therapists are not trained or prepared to work with couples. As a result, therapy can actually be a precipitating factor in causing divorce, what Dr. Doherty calls "therapist assisted marital suicide." At Heart to Heart Communication, L.C., we specifically are trained to work with couples. We continually seek to update our understanding in the latest therapeutic interventions with couples. We are avidly PRO-MARRIAGE and make no apologies. In choosing a therapist make sure that he or she believes in marriage and will help you believe in yours!

Parenting

Creating Family Harmony Through The Use Of Contracts, By Dr. Greg Smalley

A simple approach that will help parents establish fair, negotiable agreements with their children to help reduce conflict and increase understanding and follow-through on everyone’s part.

Reasons we're Pro-Marriage!

The Case for Marriage They Don't Want You to Hear. Review of Doubleday's "The Case for Marriage" by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher which received 2000 Smart Marriages Book Award.

This book created a storm because Waite and Gallagher argued that people in marriages do better overall then people who divorce or cohabit. While this isn’t a popular politically correct view, it is a bold and accurate one, a view that we hold at Heart to Heart Communication, L.C. Divorce may solve current problems being faced in the marriage but it creates its own problems that are not foreseen by the people divorcing until it is too late. We believe the problems created by divorce almost always exceed the problems of a troubled marriage. Check out Waite and Gallagher and see why.

Response to "The Death of 'Till Death Us Do Part': "Marriage in the 20th Century" Frank S. Pittman, III, M.D. July, 2002

Dr Pittman, one of the most entertaining writers in the marriage education field, argues in this article that marriage is worth saving and that the idea that living together or divorcing when things get tough has been harmful to both society and the individuals involved.

The Essential Humility of Marriage by Terry D. Hargrave, PhD

Dr. Hargrave suggests that when two people marry they form a 3rd entity, an us-ness or we-ness. Dr. Hargrave writes: "Marriage is a relational "us-ness" that is formed through the union of two people and kept alive by their loving and trustworthy actions. The purpose of forming this relational "us-ness" through marriage is to grow the individual spouses up--emotionally, physically, socially, and spiritually." His unique point of view is refreshing and encouraging. Give him a try.

Sexuality

Sex Drives: His and Hers: Q&A about the desire gap, by Michele Weiner-Davis.

Weiner-Davis has some creative ideas. She’s also written a new book on sexuality that you may want to look at. It’s discussed on her web site.

Stepfamilies

Divided Loyalties The Challenge of Stepfamily Life by William Doherty

Stepfamilies have different rules than intact families. They feel different. We understand these differences and can help couples where one or both have been married before. For most this is uncharted territory. Unless you know where the minefields are the damages can be pretty scary. Give us a call. We can help. In the meantime check out Doherty’s article above or the Visher’s article below (experts in Stepfamily relationships)

Tips for Stepfamilies by Emily & John Visher founders of Stepfamily Association of America

Links to Articles by Other Marriage Experts