- Do you see engaged couples?
- What if we’re doing pretty well and just want a marriage tune-up?
- What are some signs that may indicate we should come to Heart to Heart Communication?
- Do you see individuals?
- Do you see families?
- What about single parents?
- Do you see children?
- What if we aren’t married?
- What if I’m divorced? Can you help me?
- What if this is our second (or more) marriage?
- My spouse left me. What should I do?
Do you see engaged couples?
We highly recommend premarital counseling for couples planning to get married. Research indicates that how partners treat each other before they marry predicts if they will get a divorce later! We can show what these divorce predictors are and how NOT TO DO THEM!! The material we share from PREP helps couples reduce their chances of divorce.
NOTE: Our PREP program greatly enhances the premarital counseling couples receive from their minister. We recommend that couples do both as they are very complementary. The church does a wonderful job encouraging and motivating couples to live rightly and remain faithful to each other. We at Heart to Heart Communication provide the practical tools needed to help couples keep their vows. Plus, we gear the information we share with couples based upon their particular need.
What if we’re doing pretty well and just want a marriage tune-up?
This is the type of work we like to do because it is rewarding to see couples improve an already great relationship. All couples could use some outside inspiration to keep their marriages on track. Fifty years ago you could let your relationship flounder and stay married, but that is no longer the case. People want satisfying relationships and unfortunately, for many, if they are not finding that, they seek satisfaction elsewhere. It is much better to come to us before you need to talk to a lawyer. Don’t wait until you hear your spouse say "it’s too late."
What are some signs that may indicate we should come to Heart to Heart Communication?
- You notice your love for your spouse seems to be getting less and less over time.
- You feel resentment toward your spouse.
- You notice you haven’t gone out on a date with each other for a long time. You never seem to have the time.
- Something seems unfair to you (for example, not enough sex or one person doesn’t help enough around the house) and you don’t seem to be able to get anywhere to resolve it.
- You notice you are starting to be tempted to have an affair.
- You look for ways to not be with your spouse.
- You are afraid to talk about certain things for fear it will break into an argument or unpleasant feelings.
- One of you has had an affair.
- You don’t seem to be able to communicate.
- Your spouse doesn’t seem to be there for you.
- It feels like you do all the giving in the relationship.
- Your spouse acts pretty selfish.
- Some of your spouse’s choices really bother you.
- You feel you are on a different spiritual path than your partner.
- You are starting to feel like you have different overall goals from your partner.
- You have too many arguments that end up nowhere.
- You don’t seem to be able to resolve differences.
- Sexuality seems boring.
- You don’t want to have sex anymore (or never wanted it).
- You feel pressured to have sex.
- You feel rejected by your spouse.
- Your partner seems repulsed by you sexually or disinterested in sex with you.
- You feel your partner doesn’t love you any more.
- You feel your partner doesn’t respect you any more.
- Your spouse used to be your best friend, but now???
- Your spouse doesn’t come home from work until later than expected.
- Your spouse has a lot of time where you don’t know where he or she is.
- You don’t ask your spouse questions for fear you’ll be attacked or he or she will be defensive.
- You feel more and more distant from your spouse.
- Your spouse’s or your drinking is starting to be a problem.
- You are feeling very depressed about life or your marriage.
- You are feeling lonely in the relationship.
- You are starting to feel like you are losing hope in the marriage.
- Your partner seems to ignore your suggestions.
- You believe your spouse is becoming preoccupied with expressions of sexuality outside the marriage (porn, internet, etc.)
- Your spouse seems distant, hostile, critical, or cold.
- One or both of you is going through a stressful time and you notice things you hadn’t noticed before that concern you.
- There are too many angry outbursts between you and your spouse
- One or both of you has been violent with the other (pushing, shoving, hitting, threatening, etc.)
- You feel threatened or scared of your spouse.
(NOTE: If you feel threatened or scared of your spouse right NOW you need to get emergency help. Dial 911 if you need immediate assistance.)
If ANY of these 40 items above are starting to occur, CALL US TODAY!
NOTE: This is a small list and there certainly could be other concerns.
NOTE: The earlier you call us in the development of these types of concerns, the easier it is to work on them and develop new habits to restore hope in the marriage.
Do you see individuals?
Yes. Some individuals we see are married, divorced, single, widowed, engaged or in a serious relationship. Most people realize that the majority of the problems they face have to do with relationships (your relationship with yourself and your goals, your spouse, fiance, partner, parents, children, siblings, workmates, career, God, the boy or girlfriend you don’t seem able to find). We are relationship experts and help people deal with those issues.
Do you see families?
Our opinion is that the primary relationship in the family is the husband and wife. If that is going well, then they can face the issues troubling their children with more grace. However, even if this is going well, there may be things they haven’t faced before that they need to chat about. We meet with parents to help resolve issues or to work on coping with challenges at home, school or with peers. We can refer you to a child therapist if that seems appropriate for your child.
What about single parents?
Single parenting is a special challenge. We have specific tools that we can share with you to help you effectively parent your children.
Do you see children?
We work to empower parents to interact in positive ways with their children. We can help with parenting and step-parenting issues. We usually do not do therapy with children.
What if we aren’t married?
Today there are literally millions of couples living together who are not married. Most of these, we believe, are living together because they have experienced or have seen married people hurt each other and their children through divorce. It is often a fear of getting divorced themselves that keeps people from getting married. We understand this fear because we see the ravages of divorce in therapy.
If you are living together and not married, we are not going to beat you up about that and tell you you are a bad person. We will help you get along better with your partner so that you can feel better about the relationship and more hopeful so that marriage does not seem so threatening.
When cohabiting couples break up it can be even more painful than when married couples divorce. A break up is a break up regardless of levels of commitment. If love and sexuality have been shared together, cohabitation does not take away the pain of the relationship failing. In fact, the uncertainty of the relationship because of the lack of commitment can add to the feeling of insecurity in the relationship which often prohibits couples from experiencing the love they so much desire.
For more information on the effects of living together see the extensive research summary by Popenoe and Whitehead.
What if I’m divorced? Can you help me?
The process of divorce is one of the most painful of experiences whether or not a person pursued the divorce. Some have said that divorce is even more painful than having a spouse die, because at least if the spouse died, a person realizes it was not their fault. Divorce always carries with it the "might have beens". This is tough to deal with alone. We can help a person heal from this so that they can face their next relationships with more dignity. Unfortunately, many people who divorce don’t get the help they need and get into another relationship too soon or before they have changed personally. They end up doing the same mistakes a second time. Research indicates that second marriages are more likely to fail than first marriages and third marriages are more likely to fail than second marriages. Doing the work you need to BEFORE you are romantically involved, will help insure your later marriage against possible failure.
What if this is our second (or more) marriage?
Research indicates that marriages beyond the first one are more fragile than first marriages. People break up at a higher rate than first marriages. This is easy to figure out. Divorce is very difficult and most people struggle a long time before they go through with it. But once a road has been traveled down it is much easier to go back down that road. In addition, people who remarry often have not had the time to heal from the first marriage and these hurts are brought into the second marriage. PLUS, even without these concerns, step-families bring with them their own unique set of problems that cannot be ignored. We know what these issues are and can help couples prepare for inevitable situations and feelings that step-families will face. PRE-marital counseling for potential step-families is HIGHLY recommended. If you are already married, don’t worry. We can assist you in making your marriage what it needs to be.
My spouse left me. What should I do?
Separation does not necessarily mean divorce. However, it can be very unsettling and people often feel and do things they wouldn’t normally do. Sometimes these things are hurtful and end up escalating the situation. We recommend that if your spouse has left you and is unwilling to come in with you that you come in alone. We can help you understand the things you are feeling and give you guidance during these troubling days so that you can make the decisions you need to make with confidence. Call us today. Don’t wait another minute.